2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Blood and glitter go together right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
