my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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