i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
