I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
