guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
