she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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