I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
