oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
