I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
