you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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