I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
