And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
