i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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