I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Randomize
