So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize