soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
