Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
