We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
