If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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