Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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