You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize