If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
