Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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