I wanna bring you to show and tell
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You are the jesus of drinking
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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