i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
