You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize