your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
