Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
