But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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