My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i think i just lost a toe
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
