I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
