God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Randomize
