Ambien. No doubt about it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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