I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
