He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Less talking, more tequila
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
