dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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