Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
God, I missed his penis.
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