i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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