You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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