I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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