I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
