Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
