Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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