I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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