this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
