I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
