he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
