I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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