i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he thought i was a dude.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want to fling myself into the sun
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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