I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
