just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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