Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
