and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
