i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
