we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I smell like Dick and happiness
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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