dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
a search helicopter?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
