Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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