So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize