Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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