It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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