K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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