all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
