do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
