bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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