can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
